You may or may not have heard about Gwyneth Paltrow— who is fast becoming the authority of the absurd– and Goop‘s newest launch, a candle named This Smells Like My V and created by Heretic perfumes. If you do know the full product name, you may be wondering why I didn’t spell it here, and it’s simple. While I don’t shy away from body parts or discussing them, I feel that since the candle was so obviously created to scream for attention, I’m simply not going to play along. I will discuss and mock it though, as did the doyenne of subtle shade, Martha Stewart when she appeared on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.
So, what prompts a 40-something-year-old legacy actress and extremely successful woman like Paltrow to keep delving into the underbelly (or undercarriage?) of the female anatomy simply to sell scented candles? That’s easy enough. Marketing. Also, controversy. By adding a naughty element to a product already previously branded in hundreds, if not thousands of ways, the newest scented candle becomes something other. Something titillating. Something that in discussion with Cohen, Stewart described thusly:
Cohen: “What does it say about America that the candle is now sold out?”
Stewart’s response: “I think it’s not America. I think it’s a lot of guys who are horny.”
I disagree. I think it’s women who want to be interesting or relevant in a way that Paltrow panders to. I think it’s also a sad way to try to get people to overspend on something they’d buy anyway. To me at least, it isn’t deft marketing, it has the whiff of desperation about it.
Let’s unpack this for a moment. We’re talking about a $75.00 candle that is described as smelling pretty traditional with elements of bergamot, cedar and rose which according to the copy product are meant “to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth,” or PMS. In traditional aromatherapy, those scents are often used in tinctures or rubs to help with symptoms of PMS.
Back to the candle.
While the ever coy Paltrow and co. discuss this as being a scent meant to invoke your own ladygarden and not hers, I prefer my scents to invoke something else.
Along those lines, Soap and Glory just released a slew of new products in time for Valentine’s Day including the Fruitigo Collection: A full body care collection, including a body scrub, wash, lotion and butter, full of fruit extracts for unbelievably hydrated skin. It also smells heavenly with a combination of fig and citrus. Did I mention just how good this smells?
If you prefer that your winter escape fragrances are of the coconut-infused variety, you’re in luck. Pacifica Beauty just dropped a new de-stress collection called Coconut Cream which reminds me of many happy moments spent in friendlier climes than NYC during winter months.
Both of the new launches scrub and soften and allow you to soak and otherwise feel transported to happy moments with nary a hint of anyone’s genitalia.
You can take the whole scented virtual vacation a step further with Bondi Sands newest launch, Aero Ultra Dark a vegan formula which helps you get a deep dark tan even during the winter.
I’ll add one more. I tried Real Raw Shampoothie Coconut Latte Shampoo and conditioner and something funny happened. People started to ask which shampoo I’d used; since I have baby fine hair, that isn’t a regular occurrence. I noticed that the first two ingredients were aloe juice and coconut water, so they definitely started with natural ingredients. This is an extremely thick product line though, so it takes a lot of rinsing after shampooing.